Once when I was a teenager, I was playing cards at Scout camp with the other boys. The game was called “BS” and it involves lying in an attempt to get rid of cards at the expense of the other players. I remember we asked the chaperones if they wanted to play, and they gladly joined us. One of the chaperones was my Bishop, and as the game progressed, it became clear he wasn't “BS-ing” like the rest of us. After the game I asked him why he hadn't lied, and he simply said he didn't want to make a habit of lying, even in the little things. Was the Bishop unnecessarily zealous with his honesty? Perhaps not. Research shows that dishonesty has harmful effects.
In one study, participants were given a polygraph (lie detector test) once a week for 10 weeks. Half the participants were coached on how to be more honest. The other half were given no instructions. At the end of the 10 weeks, the participants were asked about various aspects of their health. Those who had been coached on how to lie less (and as a result had actually lied less) reported improvements in their relationships, less trouble sleeping, less tension, and fewer headaches than the others. But dishonesty doesn't just destroy your health, it also messes with your mind.
Dishonesty can be just as addictive as drugs and alcohol. This is because it triggers the same reward system as other addictive substances. Here is how it works...
We are dishonest for a variety of reasons, but they are all selfish in nature and can be categorized into a few major types: to get something (stealing or manipulating), avoiding loss (having to pay for something, having to give something up), avoiding conflict (“your butt looks good in those jeans,” “yes I paid the electric bill on time”), protecting our self esteem (often involves leaving out details or exaggerations, “I didn't do anything wrong and they fired me,” “the fish was THIS big”) or avoiding consequences (“sorry I was late for work but I was stuck in traffic).
When we are dishonest, we are typically “rewarded” for that dishonesty by either gaining something or avoiding some consequence. As a response, our brain sends out a shot of dopamine to say “that was a good thing and you should do it again.” Because we are rewarded for our bad behavior, the neurotransmitters in our brain create a short-cut to that behavior so that we are more likely to respond that way in the future. That short-cut gives us a type of “lying reflex.” This reflex kicks in when we are under stress or facing a challenge, and so we lie as a response to those situations. Most of the time this occurs without us even thinking about it.
But you might be asking, “doesn't being honest have its rewards as well?” It does, but the reward is often a long-term reward rather than an immediate reward. We see this with other addictive substances as well. For example, heroin that is smoked provides an instant high and an instant connection between behavior and reward. It is easy for our brain to correlate the cause and effect and make a short-cut that increases our chances of smoking heroin again. But if you take heroin in a pill, the effect from the high is not as instant. And so the brain doesn't make as strong of a connection between behavior and reward. Thus, heroin is less addictive if taken via pills.
It is the same with honesty...the rewards are typically not instant, so we don't get the same shot of dopamine when we are honest. The reward comes further down the road, and the brain doesn't make as strong of a connection between behavior and reward. In simplest terms, our brain doesn't reward us for being honest, only the natural consequences of an honest life do. So how do we overcome our “lying reflex?”
If we have dug deep pathways between dishonesty and rewards, stopping our dishonesty can be like trying to get the Colorado River to flow some other direction than right down the middle of the Grand Canyon. But remember the people in the study who were coached on how to be honest, and consequently were more honest? We can change. My Bishop’s example is a good place to start...by being honest in the little things. Small lies lubricate our “lying reflex.” To counter this, we have to consciously stop ourselves when we are about to tell a lie, especially a small one. And we have to admit to our dishonesty when we have been dishonest, no matter the consequences.
This process will eventually begin to peel away the layers of our behavior and re-route the neurotransmitters in our brain towards honest behavior. But be patient. It took years to form the habit of dishonesty, and will take years to change. I'd be lying if I told you otherwise.
